On Fatherhood and Grad School...

There's an old Chinese curse that states: "May you live in interesting times". These are interesting times, to be sure. Gracie was sick mid-week, which meant that I had to go home to be with her for part of the day. This entailed leaving school, missing class, ditching rehearsal, etc. Not an easy thing to do, when my sole goal at school is to gain the knowledge presented to me. I'm paying to be there, so you know I want to be in the classes. It's my money, and my time. The thing is that my responsibilities as a father come first. When my daughter looks up at me while giving me a hug for coming to her aid and says, "Dad, it means soooo much to me that you're here"... ________________________________________________________________________________ I just had an epiphany. Like, right now. Honestly, it doesn't matter to me if she says those things. It doesn't matter if she looks up at me with her beautiful hazel eyes. She could be silent and/or shut me out completely. It won't change how I'm supposed to act, or how I'm supposed to take care of my familial responsibilities. Of course, I love the attention from her. She's getting to an age where it's not a given that she'll be cuddly or warm, so I'll take whatever I can get. Her love language is in quality time, not physical touch. I've gotta put in the time with her. ________________________________________________________________________________ Still, grad school is important. I don't plan on neglecting things. As I write this, I'm in the lobby of the Vancouver (WA) Convention Center while my oldest is at a dance competition. She's 10, and has been dancing for about 6 years. She's part of the dance company at the school she trains at. This is her first big competition, and it's through the NYC Dance Alliance. Several of the judges/teachers are featured dancers from So You Think You Can Dance, and all have serious professional experience. This is a good thing for Gracie, but it means that I have to get work done in a corner of a lobby, hunched over my laptop, with Dennis Scrock's Choral Repertoire next to me. The things we do to love our children, right? She had a 7am call time, and won't be done until very late tonight. The convention center is filled to overflow with mostly preteen girls, all giggles, tears, and shouts. Here I sit, trying to create an oasis of calm and studiousness. I'm not sure if I'm succeeding all that well, but I'm trying. Grad school would be so much easier without the responsibility of family. Truth. Life would be so much less rewarding without the challenge of marrying family to studies. Also truth. This is a joy, even if I have to improvise on a daily basis. ________________________________________________________________________________ Oh...side note...just saw a high school, male dancer walk by with a guitar. He's THAT guy. Lol. Smart move. Dance competition is about 95% women, so his odds of meeting a nice girl are high. :) Go get 'em, tiger. Unless it's my daughter. But she's on to you and your charms. She knows never to trust the guy who brings his guitar to parties. ________________________________________________________________________________ Have a great day, everyone. I'll start to write more again. Got off track for a bit. Life happened. I'm back now. Looking forward to interacting with you all this way again!